The New Huntmastersbbs!: Another True Story that Still Cracks Me Up

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Topic: Another True Story that Still Cracks Me Up

Jay Nistetter
Legalize Weed, Free the Dixie Chicks
Member # 140

posted July 07, 2005 02:17 PM

CAUTION! The Johnny Stewart PreyMaster PlayStaion Does Not...Float.:

I watched in horror as Higgins performed a field test only he could devise.

This Fear Factor Obstacle Course involved two AARP candidates carrying stools, guns, cameras, electronic callers and a flowing canal. The question is… How to get to the other side?

Entrusting my belongings to AARP candidate #2, I proceeded to hurl my lardbutt across the canal with amazing success whereupon I would be handed the aforementioned equipment.

AARP candidate #2 decided to lessen his load by casually tossing AARP candidate #1’s equipment into the flowing canal, to wit the words “Uh Oh” could be heard.

Not having the proper US Coast Guard approved floatation devices attached to my electronic caller, we quietly watched as the unit sank, replete with bubbles reminiscent of a Jacques Cousteau film clip.

With snail-like abandon, AARP Candidate #2 bravely entered the flowing waters penetrating the depths in attempt to retrieve the unit while claiming rights of salvage under Maritime Law.

AARP candidate #2 did retrieve the PreyMaster caller (which was renamed PrAyMaster) and proceeded to drain canal water from the unit. Having had experience with hand calls, AARP candidate #2 proceeded to blow on the unit, which I found quite amusing and ironic.

Subsequently #2 attempted a leap across the canal, which confused me somewhat because of his wet nature after having already gone snorkeling just moments prior.

Not wanting to lose an opportunity of calling up a coyote or two, we continued on to make a stand. We were unsuccessful.

Upon heading back to the truck we encountered the canal obstacle once again whereupon I generously offered to hold #2’s video camera. The offer was refused.

Jay Nistetter - 2003

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Not sure I like this #2 tag, reminiscent of potty-training trauma.

So Jay and I are going to put the JS Spraymaster and the Loudmouth through their paces.

MAYBE Wayne Buckley told me he would slip me a little something if the Spraymaster met with a little accident?

PROBABLY stood on the edge of a four foot cement irrigation ditch which held 18 inches of muddy water while holding a camcorder and tripod, Loudmouth, stool and camo gear in my left arm while Jay piled a stool, a 12 lb. Marlin Guide Gun (450 mag for the really BIG coyotes)and aforementioned e-caller on my right arm.

PROBABLY watched Jay launch his ample person across the canal while I idly recalled the hippo in the pink tutu from Fantasia.

PROBABLY handed Jay his rifle , butt first while balancing my youthful girlish figure on the precipice. The stool followed, but when I was delicately and carefully handing the caller to Jay the module slipped off the horn speaker ,popped off the plug and made a VERY loud and long splash.

I PROBABLY stared stupidly at the stream of bubbles that slowly rose from the plastic window as the mod slowly sunk. I did, at great peril to my safety, step into the raging waters and retrieved the caller

I expected Jay to inform me of my new position in his revised estimation, instead he just chuckled a little and said "Here let me help you. Hand me your camera."

Yeah, like that was PROBABLY going to happen.

I did administer mouth to orifice resuscitation on the Spraymaster and it revived fully. Not sure about the sound card that was in it.

Gerald makes a good and sturdy little unit that is apparently childproof.

Rich Higgins - 2003

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Shortly thereafter I made some slight modifications to the Praymaster by giving it an Urban Junk Camo make-over. In order to make it truly “Higgins Proof”, I had purchased a can of expandable foam. The New, Improved PUREXMASTER was about to be born. I gingerly went about the task of cutting the bottom out of a Purex detergent bottle in order to accomodate the speaker. Once that was accomplished and the remote carefully positioned on one side, I proceeded to empty the whole 16 ounce can of spray foam inside the bottle to fill the voids. This was my first experience with expanding spray-on foam.

That’s when my problems started. The foam slowly started to expand causing it to seep out of any available gap it could find. I used a rag to wipe off the excess foam and the gooey stuff on the rag started expanding making it unuseable. More gunk was coming out of the detergent bottle so I grabbed a nearby putty knife to wipe away the newly visible foam. The excess started expanding around my putty knife so I flipped my wrist to expel the nuisance foam from the knife. It made a big Splat on the floor and started to grow. I watched the wad bubble and enlarge. Its effect was hypnotic. I looked back at my PurexMaster and the evil foam had started boiling out of the bottle at a rapid rate now. It was then that I realized I was in a wee bit o'trouble. I set the whole unit down on a shop stool while I looked for something else to wipe off the growing wad of yellow foam. When I returned to the stool, my PurexMaster was gone. Consumed by a giant African termite mound and still erupting with its lava flow rapidly engulfing my shop stool. I had a flashback. Little Shop of Horrors except this was no Sci-Fi. The outer crust was hardening below the lava flow so I couldn’t expose my unit no matter how quickly I wiped off the foam. It was buried. Eaten up by a Freak-in-a-Can. I left and told my wife that under no circumstance should she go out into the garage.

With uncontrollable curiosity, I returned every 10 minutes or so to sneak a peek at my creation. “It’s Alive!” kept ringing in my head as I had a flashback of Young Frankenstein.

The next morning I actually crouched as I open the door to spy on what I had done. The stool was a good three feet tall and I could see only 2 inches of one stool foot. The very top of the mound was eye-level to my 6’-2” frame. It wasn’t quite egg-shaped but did bulge noticeably outward just about where the PreyMaster should be. Muffled high-pitched farting sounds were coming within and I wondered if the pressure from the foam had turned the unit on. Apparently the outer crust had hardened quicker than the inner core and it wasn’t through cooking yet. I looked around for the emptied spray can so I could read the instructions, not that it would have done any good, but there are times when real men really read directions. I was too late. The can itself had been consumed by foam after I set it aside the day before. I left.

Three days later, I had finally cleared all the excess foam from my self contained electronic call and speaker.

I learned a big lesson from all of this but forgot what it was.

[ July 08, 2005, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: Jay Nistetter ]

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Understanding the coyote is not as important as knowing where they are.
I usually let the fur prime up before I leave 'em lay.

Posts: 1006 | From: Arizona | Registered: Feb 2003 | IP: Logged

Melvin
Knows what it's all about
Member # 634

posted July 07, 2005 02:35 PM