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Author Topic: vicious slander from Texas Leonard HMFIC Member # 2 posted October 13, 2005 12:41 PM                       Arizona Barbies Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie Dolls for the Arizona market: Scottsdale Barbie This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Square. She Comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with a saguaro cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with squeeze-me Skipper and a Ferrari. Chandler Barbie This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English or Spanish. Available at Target. Apache Junction Barbie This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, bowie knife, A 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Ahwatukee Barbie This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. Ahwatukee Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 80's. Mesa Barbie This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at MCC. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately And get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross. Goodyear Barbie This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Mesa Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss, and a see-through halter top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap. Sedona Barbie This collagen injected, rhinoplastic (nose job) Barbie wears Leopard print spandex, and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge. Into crystals. Comes with percocet prescription and two alimony checks. Also cheap. Phoenix Barbie This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional Accessories include a G. E. D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Flagstaff Barbie This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with White socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free. Gilbert Barbie Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion and is perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on business. Gilbert Barbie aspires to become Scottsdale Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive. Tucson Barbie Into basketball and marijuana. Dropped out of PCC. Does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie. Guadalupe Barbie This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie who is willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meatpacker's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not yet available for Guadalupe Barbie or Ken. Available At Food City. Van Buren Barbie/Ken This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Sun City Barbie/Ken These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The Good ol' days." Drives a golf cart, signals right to turn left. Can be seen in Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices. Available at the doctor's office. -------------------- EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All. Don't piss me off! Posts: 31449 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged TheHuntedOne Knows what it's all about Member # 623 posted October 13, 2005 01:01 PM                       You forgot Divorced Barbie She comes in a BIG box with all of Kens stuff. -------------------- The On Line Resource For Custom Call Makers THO Game Calls Posts: 266 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged InjunJoe unknown comic posted October 13, 2005 01:03 PM              What? No ****** Barbie? Now that is funny. IP: Logged NASA Knows what it's all about Member # 177 posted October 13, 2005 01:16 PM                   I'd say you got'er pegged TDC, LB. Posts: 1168 | From: Typical White Person | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged Todd Woodall Knows what it's all about Member # 439 posted October 13, 2005 01:21 PM                       Slander from Texas? I dont even know where half of those places are. I would like to move in on Beer-gut Kens play though. You had me at Tobacco! Todd -------------------- Texas Predator Pursuit videos 110 hunts on 2 DVD's www.texaspredatorpursuit.com Posts: 181 | From: Weatherford Texas | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged 2dogs Knows what it's all about Member # 649 posted October 13, 2005 07:07 PM                   When I was 6 & my older Bro's were 9 & 12. My oldest Bro, decided our sisters Barbie dolls were felons . [I thought they were purty ]. [Oldest Bro, thought he was "Judge Roy Bean"]. We set up a mass-hanging event for the dolls. Off of, the up-stair bannister spindles. Ma seen this, it didn't bode well with her. She yelled & commenced to whuppin us all. Long & hard, I still remember that day . Posts: 1034 | From: central Iowa | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged Todd Woodall Knows what it's all about Member # 439 posted October 13, 2005 07:15 PM                       Hey Leonard, I have heard about a Texas Ken that he comes with a blow up sheep. Or that could have been a story or something? Ahh I cant remember! Anywho, Todd -------------------- Texas Predator Pursuit videos 110 hunts on 2 DVD's www.texaspredatorpursuit.com Posts: 181 | From: Weatherford Texas | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged JoeF resides "back east" Member # 228 posted October 13, 2005 07:47 PM                    How about a Prescott Barbie? 2nd best, a Wickenburg Barbie... Just curious..... I think I met the Congress Barbie..... Had to ask. Posts: 646 | From: Midwest | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged Leonard HMFIC Member # 2 posted October 13, 2005 08:16 PM                       Now you're messing with my spots, Joe. Like there is no Yuma Barbie because they's long gone Hollywood. And Todd, I guess the Goodyear Barbie is as close as it gets to a Texas Barbie? McNeal Barbie? Like Apache Junction Barbie? Good hunting. LB -------------------- EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All. Don't piss me off! Posts: 31449 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged

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