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Author
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Topic: Swiss & Wesson
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The Outdoor Tripp
Knows what it's all about
Member # 619
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posted June 11, 2006 08:43 AM
Lemme know what ya'll think.
Swiss & Wesson
If it throws lead, I’ll shop for it. Makes no difference who it’s for, I‘m always ready to help pick a winner. Some say it’s the thrill of the hunt. Some say it’s an affliction.
Aware of my condition, a friend recently asked for shopping assistance. No matter she had never owned, nor fired, a firearm of any kind, and was the last person I could fathom ever owning one, I said yes. (The fact she is particularly fetching and the reigning county fair Hula Hoop champion had nothing to do with it, I assure you.)
"I want a Swiss and Wesson," she stated.
"A Swiss and Wesson? Why?" I asked.
"Some man left a magazine at my hair place and I saw some. They are really cool. I want to buy a Swiss and Wesson."
We met at the gun counter of a large sporting goods store where a sales clerk informed her Smith & Wesson made only handguns. "Too small, what else do you have?" she replied. The clerk motioned toward the rifles. I decided to hang on for the ride.
"What caliber?" he asked.
"That means bullets right? I want cute bullets. I’ve seen those before, they’re cute. I want those," she said, pointing toward some small boxes.
"Those are twenty-two rounds. I’ll show you twenty-twos," he replied. And that’s when the fun began.
"Remington? Sounds like a razor. Marlin? Isn’t that a fish? Now that one’s pretty. I love the dark wood. It’s called what? Henry’s a dork name. Savage? Nice, but I’ll get my hair get caught in that bolt thingy don’t you think?"
The clerk performed valiantly answering her questions while ducking the barrage of rifles pointed in his face.
"Semi-automatic? I’d only have to aim once, right? Yes, that would be good. I don’t want to keep aiming over and over again. I don’t think I’m a good aimer."
"Ruger? Sounds cool, but it’s the wrong color. What? That silver-barreled one is a Ruger too? It matches a handbag I have. I like it."
Unable to restrain myself further, I dipped my toe into the pool. "Handbag? You won’t need a handbag to shoot that thing."
"Then how will I carry the bullets?" she quizzed. I retrieved my toe and quickly retreated to the sideline.
"What can I shoot with a Ruger? I don’t want to shoot anything pretty like a rabbit or a squirrel or a deer. Can it shoot bears?"
"Will it shoot bigger bullets? Where else can I buy bullets? Do I have to come back here to buy bullets? What if bullets go on sale somewhere else? Okay, I’ll take the silver Ruger."
"Scope? Case? Cleaning kit? I don’t need those. Just the Ruger and those twenty-two bullets. Do twenty-two bullets come in silver? Really? Awesome, they match the gun!"
"Paperwork? Why paperwork? I’m no criminal. Only a criminal would lie on these stupid things anyway." I had to smile. It was the first thing she’d said all day that made sense.
Approved, she bought the Ruger and we left. "I love my new gun!" she said, smiling wide. "Thanks so much, I could never have done this without you. It’s a good thing I called."
"Yeah, a good thing," I replied, rubbing the hole in my lip.
Tripp Holmgrain is an avid outdoorsman who prefers Swiss and bacon. Email him at tripp@theoutdoortripp.com.
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The Outdoor Tripp
www.theoutdoortripp.com
"All great truths begin as blasphemies."
Posts: 805 | From: Texas | Registered: Mar 2005
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted June 11, 2006 09:48 AM
Good one, Rip. I have no doubt the story is based on a real event? Basically, because I buy guns the same way as your Hula Hoopin' friend.
Good hunting. LB
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31545 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Raven
Knows what it's all about
Member # 204
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posted June 11, 2006 10:26 AM
OMG! Fits of Laughter! Can't breath! Ths has got to be the funniest thing I have ever read! Although I too am into accessorizing, don't think I'd ever pick a gun just cause it matches my purse! Now maybe a hoslter that matches my white leather chaps.... LOL Good one Tripp! Keep 'em coming!
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A steak is a terrible thing to waste!
Posts: 38 | From: Killeen TX | Registered: Jun 2003
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