This is topic I hate the ODP! in forum Member forum at The New Huntmastersbbs!.
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Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 01, 2007, 08:24 PM:
I started a new job about a month and a half ago and my new boss has this obsurd fascination with the ODP. What is the ODP, you ask? Well it's the Open Door Piss of course. He likes to hit the head and leave the door wide open! We work in a small office and the bathroom is like one of those in a doctor's office. One toilet, a sink and a garbge can, the echo is enough to gag a maggot. There is an ****** , dots not feathers, computer programmer that comes in on a semi regular basis. He is, from what I hear, about as bad. He likes to do his dirty work with the door unlocked.(In your best Eastern ****** voice) "Oh no, do not enter! I am pooping!"
I am on the verge of quitting because of the ODP, but if I walk in on the programmer it's over.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 01, 2007, 08:51 PM:
Yeah, that's right up there with a warm Miller's, or any Miller's, for that matter?
Good hunting. LB
edit: just for the record, are you...not that it matters
[ October 01, 2007, 08:55 PM: Message edited by: Leonard ]
Posted by Tim Behle (Member # 209) on October 02, 2007, 05:02 PM:
Smithers, You sound like a ******* pussy. Grow up and get over it!
Leonard, If you don't like Miller Beer, then stay out of my cooler! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 02, 2007, 05:38 PM:
I guess you old guys are yet to get used to indoor plumbing.
Tim, there will be 35 guys peeing in the desert at the campout. Unless, you got up from your chair, spun around, dropped your pants to your ankles and took a leak right there it's ok. There is an invisible line and I'm betting you will stumble a ways out into the desert, cross that line and then go. When drinking and fully loaded, of course, the buffer grows smaller.
I Edited out the part about my boss' wrinkly boys becuase it was crude.
[ October 02, 2007, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: smithers ]
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 02, 2007, 05:51 PM:
I'm sure there is a time and place to moan about such things? Is this it? Smithers, you need to coyboy up. If talking don't work, volunteer to close (slam) the friggin' door for them!
Tim, I would not steal a Miller's from your cooler. I'd rather drink a can of battery acid.
Good hunting. LB
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 02, 2007, 06:19 PM:
You are right Leaonard, time and place. I will stop whining like a teenage school girl.
I used to be a fan of Miller with the red label and Miller Ice. That was actually some good stuff.
Posted by Tim Behle (Member # 209) on October 02, 2007, 07:25 PM:
Smithers,
It's rare for me to ever walk more than a few steps to take a leak. Drinking doesn't have anything to do with it. I will walk further to take a dump, generally to the North or East. But it's not because I'm afraid someone might see me, I just don't like the smell of shit and the winds usually come out of the South and West.
I've never liked those narrow dividers that most offices put in between the urinals. They make me feel crowded, I've never felt any reason to be embarrassed about the body God gave me. I may never make it as a porn star, but I am comfortable with what I have.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 02, 2007, 08:29 PM:
Well, when in doubt, whup it out.
Posted by Jack Roberts (Member # 13) on October 02, 2007, 09:56 PM:
When your complaints are that trivial, you must be doing well and don't deserve much sympathy.
Jack
Posted by Rich (Member # 112) on October 03, 2007, 12:44 PM:
Don't ya just LOVE that Jack Roberts feller? He tells it like he see's it, and he is never wrong. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Posted by Cdog911 (Member # 7) on October 03, 2007, 02:42 PM:
I've never liked those narrow dividers that most offices put in between the urinals. They make me feel crowded,
Tim, do you have one of them there "wide stances"? How do you feel about the airport? ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Posted by tlbradford (Member # 1232) on October 03, 2007, 03:14 PM:
Just so I know how its done in the desert...When you're drunk enough to need something to lean on when you're taking a whizz, how do you avoid the cactus thorns? Maybe you just drink more and don't notice the pain?
Posted by newbomb (Member # 888) on October 03, 2007, 03:19 PM:
I hate miller beer also and if it makes ya feel better im the opposite of Tim, I have stage fright and just cant go with people too close or a door that wont lock!
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 03, 2007, 03:19 PM:
It's a short learning curve, Dude. Sort of like remembering which hand you ate jalapeŅos with, before taking a leak. You have to figure everything has stickers, spines or some type of thorn.
Good hunting. LB
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 03, 2007, 05:47 PM:
quote:
When your complaints are that trivial, you must be doing well and don't deserve much sympathy.
Jack, no sympathy? That is exactly what I was looking for. Smug.
Anyone that thinks I was looking for a sympathetic ear with my post may just be a complete doofus.
This may be tough for some of you to do but unpucker your ass for a bit and enjoy some humor, for Christ's sake. Don't all do it at once or it may cause a minor shift of the Earth on it's axis and throw off someone's already shitty satellite signal.
Posted by Rich Higgins (Member # 3) on October 03, 2007, 05:59 PM:
Most don't get your sense of humor, Chris.
You are an aquired taste, kinda like Scotch or a good cigar. It didn't take me very long to become a fan of yours.
Posted by Jrbhunter (Member # 459) on October 03, 2007, 06:04 PM:
Newbomb, first you have a phobia of taking a dump in a public restroom and now you get stagefright when pissing? You're such a chick.
PS: Sorry Smithers, but I'm an open-door-pisser myself. Primarily because of the reaction it draws from the uptight homophobes like Newbomb that work for me.
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 03, 2007, 06:55 PM:
Thanks, #3. Some people are perpetually Crankish. I'm no Lenny Bruce but......
JRB, my brother has a public restroom phobia. I think he'd be more comfortable in a diaper. There is definitely a comfortability factor that goes along with the open door policy.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 03, 2007, 08:58 PM:
Don't worry, smithers, we all love ya. Higgins vouches for you and that's good enough for me. Got to be able to take a little heat, once in a while and it's your turn in the barrel. Basically because you are so easy.
Good hunting. LB
Posted by JD (Member # 768) on October 03, 2007, 11:18 PM:
Yea we all love ya, like the retarded brother we never had.
You wouldn`t get along so well on the jobsite Smitherinski, I suspect you`d be a little put out if you walked around the corner & saw me pinchin` one off in a 5 gal. bucket....no? Never mind leaving a door open
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 04, 2007, 06:28 AM:
Leonard, I have yet to figure out if #3 vouching for you is a curse or a good thing. He's a polarizing figure. I just get warmed up when the heat is on. No pun intended. I'm brackish like that.
JD, I used to work construction so I know all too well about the buckets and drywall mud boxes. We liked to refer to the boxes in the corner as Mystery Boxes. You never knew what kind of surprises they would contain. Never kick a box it may not be empty.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 04, 2007, 07:51 AM:
It's a good thing, smithers. Otherwise, I wouldn't be aware of how funny you can be? Like now, I'm laughing so hard, I can hardly see the keyboarc.
But, you got yourself into this without my help, so (and although) I don't like to see you getting pummeled, you can figure out how to regain your street cred. without
Whoa, here comes Danny Bonaduce/run!
Posted by Rich Higgins (Member # 3) on October 04, 2007, 10:40 AM:
Polarizing? LOL.
Chris, which are you? The kettle or the pot?
Leonard, what the heck is a keyboarc?
Danny Bonaduce is a badass, but that stunt is definitely going to cost him.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 04, 2007, 11:24 AM:
When your fingers hit slightly offcenter, it is possible to write "keyboarc" instead of the key above, which is a "D". I have to keep constantly drawing you pictures. You are such a polar figure.
additionally; I saw the clip and the little faggot definitely jumped on Danny. I don't see where he has a case?
Good hunting. LG
Posted by Rich Higgins (Member # 3) on October 04, 2007, 12:12 PM:
Tyler just showed me the clip also and it doesn't match the news account yesterday. Some nonsense about tossing him off the stage face first into a chair.
Posted by Locohead (Member # 15) on October 04, 2007, 12:48 PM:
smithers, you've obviously got a totally warped and Jacked up sense of humor. I laughed so hard I pooped all over my camo-overalls; good thing I had the door closed!?!?
Posted by Cdog911 (Member # 7) on October 04, 2007, 03:09 PM:
Damn, Chris, it's a good thing you don't hunt with me. LOL Years ago, my trapping partner and I were out one day when he announced quite boastfully that he had to take a dump. We were in my truck, and out in the middle of nowhere, so I was somewhat curious as to just where he planned on going. He climbed out, went around to the front of the pickup, dropped "trou", stuck both knees against the front bumper and while holding onto my brush guard/ push bumper with both hands, looked me straight in the eye with a big grin and leaned waaaaaayyyyyy back and let her go.
Turns out it's a pretty danged good way to answer the beckon call. The side of a truck works just as well, as does any large farm implement. Much more comfortable than squatting, and less chance of falling backwards and inadvertently sitting in your artwork.
I was hunting a few years later with a guy that asked me why I had a heavy duty brush guard on that truck when I rarely, if ever, busted brush with it. He never asked another question like that, ever again.
The only thing you have to be careful about is where you do the dooty. One time, my guts started rolling and I just couldn't wait. I looked around and no one was in sight. I went about doing my thing and then noticed some folks I knew out driving around, looking for a coyote I suppose, about a half-mile away looking at me. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
I stood up straight and proud, cleaned myself up, then waved at them. They disappeared in a cloud of dust and have never asked to hunt or trap with me since. I don't understand why. After all, we're a whole lot more personal now, aren't we?
Posted by tlbradford (Member # 1232) on October 04, 2007, 03:22 PM:
Lance, It is obvious your friends are just respecting the territorial boundary mark you placed in the road.
Posted by Cdog911 (Member # 7) on October 04, 2007, 03:30 PM:
That's a pretty danged good point there, tl. LOL
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 04, 2007, 03:39 PM:
too much information, Lance. Especially while you are both looking deeply into each others eyes.
I'd have honked the horn, or backed up. Way back.
Good hunting. LB
Posted by Rich (Member # 112) on October 04, 2007, 05:03 PM:
I have a very serious question for you guys. During the campout, you ain't all gonna pee a circle all the way around the tent of Mr. Smithers now are ya?
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on October 04, 2007, 05:30 PM:
I'm thinking piss right on the walls, for those neat sound effects.
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 04, 2007, 05:42 PM:
Mr. Cronk, fortunately or unfortunately I am not attending the campout. I don't fly and I don't handle driving well either. W/out proper facilities I wouldn't be able to function. See, Tim, I am a pussy.
CDoo, That is a great story. It reminds me of the time I was working with my uncle down on his farm 2 or so years back. Well, I had this sudden onset of IBS, instantaneous cramps. I said I gotta go. Now! I reached into the truck and grabbed some napkins and waddled off to the nearest sanctuary. As I pinched and prayed I yelled back, "Where should I go?" Mind you were are in the middle of 100 or so acres of nothingness. Big oaks and soybeans as far as the eye could see.
Well, earlier in the day we were discussing this old guy that had taken a 10 and 12 point off of my uncle's property the season prior. My uncle made some kind of deal with the people that sold him the land that he'd let this old coot hunt the property for a few years after the purchase. After a few years he would give him his walking papers. Just, as I crested the hill he shouted,"Leave, So-And-So, a going away present!"
I thought, a going away present? Then I spotted it. It was the answer to my prayers. An oasis among the trees. It was a dilapidated old treestand perched in a nice oak, overlooking the very spot where he had taken those two trophies. I thought, how accomodating. For the record, (I know Leonard will be happy it is on the record)I felt bad afterward. Picturing the old guy pulling his wooden shack of a treestand down and discovering that Dr. Disgusto had very recently visited his treestand haunts me to this day. Eeeeegads!
Posted by Paul Melching (Member # 885) on October 04, 2007, 05:53 PM:
Smithers
what do you mean your not comin,now what am I supposed to do with all these dry wall mud boxes I collected today.
and Jason dont worry I got some empty 5 gallon pails,want you to feel right at home.
PM
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on October 05, 2007, 06:45 PM:
PaulM, bring them to the campout and you guys can play the shell game with them after they've been used.
Believe me I wish I was able to make it. Talk about a good time! I am sure I am missing out. There will be plenty of pics and stories to make me feel like I was there though.
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